It’s that time again! Time for me to share some more highly guarded secrets of the music business. This time we look again at the night of your big show. Here are three more ways to improve your live show and make sure people are talking about you for months to come!

If you’re new to this series, do not continue reading! Grab a six-pack and review the previous posts; there’s some stuff coming up that you may not be able to handle sober.

Goal: Acquire more alcohol, thus improving your stage presence.

How to achieve the goal: Lie about the number of band members when receiving drink tickets.

Drink tickets are awesome. You can get a well drink or PBR for free and most venues will give you two tickets per band member. If you’ve never played the venue before, they might not know how many are in your band. Lying and saying there are more people in your band equals more free drinks!

This tip was provided to me in person a couple weeks ago. When I was handing out drink tickets to a band, they told me there were five people in the band when there were only four. Unfortunately, the band couldn’t pull the trigger on this completely and fessed up. However, even the attempt got me talking about them!

If you are one of those sissy-boys that was never taught to lie properly, you can just include your manager in the count. As you found out in an previous post, every band needs a manager. They need to feel like they are part of the band so be sure to include them when asking for drink tickets.

Goal: Get paid early.

How to achieve the goal: Pester the venue for your pay even before they stop charging a cover.

As a musician, you are not expected to know how you are getting paid. Some of the deals out there are completely confusing (70% of the door? What does that even mean??). Luckily, you only need to keep one thing in mind: You get paid after you play. It’s best to ask a bartender or door guy for your money after, or even while, you break down your equipment. You’re not going to stick around for the other bands;

They may feign ignorance or point you toward someone else. Don’t give up. This is how venues try to screw you over. Be persistent. If they absolutely won’t give you the money right then, come back the next day. Either get there 30 minutes before they open so they see your tenacity, or in the middle of the night when they are busy so they know you’re a scenester.

Goal: Get the audience involved.

How to achieve the goal: Make fun of individual audience members if they leave.

A buddy of mine brought this little gem to light. Music isn’t the only part of your performance; there is also a need to engage the audience on a personal level. While this typically translates to: “How are you feeling tonight?!” and “I can’t hear you, I said, how are you feeling tonight!!?”, there is room for more individual interaction.

Since you didn’t promote your show, there probably won’t be many people there. As always, use this to your advantage. A small crowd means it is more obvious when someone shows up or leaves. Plead with them to stay or make fun of them as they leave. Pick out something unique about the person leaving and get to work. For example, as a particularly heavy audience member leaves you can try this line: “Hey fatty, what the fuck?”. This creates a bond with the people that remain as well as ups your stock as a showman. You’re reacting to the current situation instead of rattling off preplanned one-liners. Be careful, though: you may pick on the wrong person and end up with a black eye. Always have an exit strategy.